When change Actually Started happening

Listen as you read:

10/06/2021 – I have quite a backstory of depression and anxiety, along with, what I’ve come to understand as, severe dissatisfaction with the world, my life and reality itself. I laugh at it now (I’m so happy I’m at this point where I can laugh at it!) but I absolutely couldn’t before. If you’re like I was, then you may be experiencing frustration over what you see around you, in other people, in the world and in your own reality. I was so angry over the fact that I felt I was not free to be the full expression of myself. Because we are locked into this money system where we need to work in order to pay our bills, feed our families and keep a roof over our heads. Where was the time for self expression? For joy? For ME? I was bitter and that bitterness was making my life depressing. Not the ideal place to exist from.

So, like we all do, I began to research for answers to my dilemma. Being as stubborn as I am, I reached a point where I said, “No more of this” and I decided I was going to change my life and learn how to live it according to my own rules. This very day I understand that my biggest strength on this journey has been my stubbornness. I decided it didn’t matter what anyone else said about this “reality”—”You can’t always get what you want”, “You have to work for a living”, “If you want something you have to work for it”,— I was going to do it MY way and make the life that I desired for myself. What I also knew was the fact that it would not be easy. I had my wits about me enough to realize that I was going against 30-some years of indoctrination of my consciousness to conform to societal standards.

I began my journey into re-wiring my brain in October of 2018, and from 2018 to 2020 I went through so many ups and downs. Change is not easy, and your body and psyche make the fact clear. In the beginning I found that my everyday, natural state was what I called, “meh”. Not good, but not bad. Not happy but at least not sad. Just somewhere in between. As I continued with the personal work (I’ll describe the details of the personal work in posts to follow) I found that by the end of 2020 my natural state was still “meh” but now had these massive swings coming and going. I would swing into these highly expanded, full-bodied states of joy that would be followed up by low swings that would last for weeks. Back and forth with short periods of just being okay in between. How frustrating that was! I would have taken “meh” over the low swings any day, but I continued on, hoping that some day my natural, in-between state would go from “meh” to joy.

Along the way I also continued with the personal work. I never stopped. I was diligent and stubborn; determined to change. I can remember wondering why major change hadn’t happened to me yet. I was doing the work to get to an elevated state of emotion and consciousness, raising my vibration in meditation every morning. I took note of all those expanded states of joy I found myself in. Surely that had to be a sign that I was doing something right. So, why wasn’t I experiencing the change I wanted yet? Why was I still swinging into those states of depression? When would my life feel like mine? When would I be free? It had been 2 years of this work. I continued on.

When September of 2021 hit I thought perhaps it just wasn’t possible to achieve my goals. Maybe the Universe wanted something different for me. That’s when I did the one thing I hadn’t done over the past 3 years; I decided to just let go. I decided that if the Universe wanted something different for me then perhaps I should get out of the way and let the Universe in. So, I chilled out and just focused on making myself joyful every day.

You know, when I finally let go, it was the easiest thing for me to do. So easy, in fact, it felt like this was what I was meant to do. This was the feeling I was meant to cultivate and allow to flow.

1. JOY!

Well, at least I had finally gotten one thing right! So, I ran with it. I made my main focus Joy! If I couldn’t create the reality that I wanted then I could at least be happy on this journey. So, I changed my point of focus to being a joyful being. I stripped everything away and, in the end, that ended up making existing as a joyful being even easier. As it turns out, I was getting in my own way.

I began working on cultivating joy and a high vibration in the mornings, with my meditations, and maintain that feeling throughout my whole day. Rather quickly I noticed that the ups and downs slowed. I found that my natural state had indeed gone from “meh” to incredibly happy! That was it. I found the key.

2. The key is cultivating and maintaining that expanded state THROUGHOUT MY WHOLE DAY

Slowly but surely my life started changing and the Universe started coming in. I had a QHHT (Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique) session in August of this year. One of the main points of focus, once my subconscious started coming through, was this emphasis on me letting go of control. My subconscious had indicated that I’m always trying to control everything. I decided to give that a try, too. I had no idea what I was attempting to control but I began to make that another point of focus. Relinquishing control.

Soon, I was introduced to the idea of asking. Not just consciously asking the Universe for what I want, but also verbally. I wrote about one of the first times I asked in my blog post Rebuilding the Broken Line to Source. I started asking for certain things like clarity, inspiration and satisfaction. Not material things like money or a new house. Then suddenly it was all there. All I had to do was remain calm, joyful, and let go of control, and things started happening, My Most Profound Experience being one of them!

3. I got out of my own way!

Client work started picking up. I started working on my art again! I also became calm enough to say, “I want to write today!” and was able to start coming up with ideas and a plan to get this blog going. I was gentle with myself and let the ideas come slowly. I only worked on it when I wanted to and when it was bringing me joy.

The synchronicities began to be my guides and if I let go of control, and just go with it, I find myself being led to the most profound states of happiness, wholeness and oneness. All of this without the effort of remembering to stay positive and joyful because I just am. No longer do I need to have just come out of a long meditation in order to be struck by such awe in the waking hours of my day!

4. I was gentle with myself

After everything I’ve expressed above, am I at my ideal state yet? No. But at least the journey has now become enjoyable! I’ll take that over “meh” any day!! 🙂 I’ve also realized that this whole process will inevitably take time and I needed to be patient and gentle with myself. The past 3 years were full of necessary learning and evolving, and I’ve learned that this cannot be done as a rushed job. I need to slow down and take it easy as I go.

Get out of my own way and carry happiness with me through the day.

**I am not a professional and what I am sharing should not be taken as medical advice. I am sharing my own personal experiences.